


i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

by bothsexuals



Series: it would've been fun, if you could've been the one [3]
Category: Community (TV)
Genre: M/M, at least i cried while writing this, but i have depression so, it's just... it's a tear jerker, reunion time!!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:13:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bothsexuals/pseuds/bothsexuals
Summary: Troy came back.
Relationships: Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Series: it would've been fun, if you could've been the one [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1859182
Comments: 14
Kudos: 105





	i just wanted you to know that this is me trying

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sapphicpaint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sapphicpaint/gifts).



> Hey, hey, hey! It's the last installment of the series, baby! The reunion! Because there is just no universe in which these bitches don't get a happy ending for me. Or at the very least, a happy middle. 
> 
> For jules, again, because this whole series is inspired by her. Her, folklore, and The Altogether. So if it made you... feel things... get upset at them as well as me, okay?! But like... thank you, jules, cause I think this may be some of my best work. And I do _a lot_ of awesome stuff. 
> 
> Title, obviously, from "this is me trying". I suggest you listen to that and "See The Day" by The Altogether while reading this.

Troy had been waiting for this moment ever since he’d left. At the same time, he’d been sort of dreading it. 

In his dreams, Abed would open the door and welcome him with open arms, love him like nothing had ever changed, like he’d never left at all. In his nightmares, he’d slam the door on Troy’s face, leaving him to cry on his doorstep until someone dragged him away. 

And now there he stood, on the doorstep to Abed’s apartment in LA. An apartment he’d lived in for almost a year, that Troy had never stepped foot in. That in itself was mind-boggling. 

He’d stood there for minutes now, just waiting to find the nerve to knock. He could hear Abed inside the apartment, singing along to a song playing on the TV. Troy hadn’t heard that voice in so long, at least not outside of a phone or a computer, but he’d never forgotten that it was the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. If anything, he’d become even more aware of it. 

How could this be enough? How could showing up after _three years_ be enough? How could anything be enough after he’d done the worst thing imaginable, after he’d _left_? 

But at least he was trying. He was there now, he was back, he would never leave again- that was, if Abed still wanted him to stay. 

He was trying. He’d gotten it wrong, he’d regretted it every single day for three years, but now he was done, and he was _trying_. There was nothing more he could do, so it had to be enough.

He raised his hand- slowly, so slowly, like there was a weight trying to hold it down, trying to stop him from getting his heart broken in return, the way he’d broken Abed’s. He knocked. The sound from the TV stopped, replaced by the sound of footsteps to the door, and all of a sudden the door was open and there Abed stood, his hair longer, curlier, his wide-eyed look the same that Troy had seen so many times -never quite like this, though, there was something new in it, something different.

“Troy?” he breathed, “what-?” 

“I’m sorry,” Troy immediately said. It came out like a sob, but it was all he could do. He wanted to cry and throw himself into Abed’s arms but he couldn’t. He couldn’t expect that comfort from his best friend (because no matter what Troy had ended up being to Abed after all this time, that would always be Abed’s title), not after all he’d done. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, “Abed, I’m so sorry. I should never- I shouldn’t- I’m _so sorry_.” 

“Troy,” Abed repeated- softer this time, almost in awe. “Troy,” he said again, and now Troy could tell it was hitting him that this was real, not a simulation or a dream, Troy was actually there. “Oh my god, Troy,” he repeated once more, a bright smile forming on his lips, and Troy wanted to cry because he didn’t deserve the beauty of it, “Troy, I love you.” 

“What? No, no, you can’t,” Troy stammered, “I- you- I _left_ , Abed.”

“I still loved you then,” Abed breathed, “I loved you every single day you were gone.” 

“I broke your heart,” Troy brokenly whispered, “didn’t I?” 

“You did,” Abed simply replied, like it was a fact he’d accepted a long time before, and now it came as easily as breathing. 

“I’m so sorry,” Troy whimpered, “I’m sorry.” 

“You don’t have to keep saying it,” Abed said, “you came back.” 

“How is that enough, Abed? After three years, that can’t be enough.” He was crying now, full-on crying, blurry-vision crying. 

“No one else came back,” Abed replied with a little shrug and a sad smile, “you’re the first.” 

“I should never have left at all,” Troy said, “I should never have left, Abed, I’m so sorry.” 

In a heartbeat, Abed’s arms were around him, and Troy could finally stop focusing so hard on being able to stand, could let himself melt into the embrace he had missed so much, the embrace he did not deserve.

“I love you,” Abed said again, whispering it in Troy’s undeserving ears. 

“I’m sorry,” he couldn’t stop mumbling, “I’m so sorry.” 

“Shut up,” Abed said over and over until it worked, “shut up, Troy, I love you. I love you so much.” 

He hadn’t said it back yet, Troy suddenly realized. He’d been so focused on trying to apologize for something he deemed unforgivable that he’d forgotten to say the most important thing. 

He pulled back a bit, but Abed held on to him and he could only lean his head back a little to look him in the eyes. “Abed Nadir,” he breathed, “I love you. I have loved you every single day since I’ve known you, and probably, in some way, before then. I love you as a best friend, I love you as a soulmate, I love you as the Prince Charming I never knew could exist in real life.”

Abed sighed shakily- he was crying now, too. But he was smiling, oh, god, he was smiling in the most beautiful way Troy had ever seen. 

“If you’ll let me, I’ll love you forever,” he continued, “I’ll never stop trying to deserve you, and I’ll never, _ever_ leave you again.” 

“And if you do-” Abed’s voice broke, so he tried again “-if you do, you’ll come back again?” 

“I’ll come back,” Troy replied, cupping Abed’s cheek with a hand and nodding vigorously, “I’ll always come back. We’re bound together, you and I.” 

“Like a red string of fate?” Abed asked. 

“Yeah,” Troy answered with a small chuckle, “I heard about it on my trip, and I- I think we have that, Abed. There’s always something pulling me to you.” 

Abed hugged him again, even tighter this time, burying his face in Troy’s neck and inhaling deeply. “Please don’t ever leave me again,” he whispered, “not for good.” 

“It was never for good,” he whispered back, “it was never for good, I promise.” 

“I love you,” Abed said again. He’d said it so many times that Troy had lost count. “You do deserve me, Troy Barnes. You came back.” 

“I figured out who I am,” Troy said, looking into Abed’s eyes once again, “I figured out what I want.”

“Yeah?” Abed asked softly, with an even softer smile. 

“Yeah,” Troy replied, his lips curving into the most genuine of smiles, “it’s you. I want you. You still want _me_?” 

“I always wanted you, even when I acted like I didn’t. I tried not to, but-” he chuckled a little sadly “-Troy, it’s impossible to remove you from my heart. Even with cloning.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think that cloning worked very well,” Troy laughed. 

They were still holding each other in Abed’s doorstep, laughing like old times, but now closer than ever. It was amazing. It was so much better than Troy could have ever hoped for or dreamed. 

“It worked for you,” Abed pointed out, “you travelled with LeVar for three years and the homing pigeon genes kicked in. Though I guess this isn’t technically your home.”

“I never needed those genes, Abed, it was in me already. I always had the… the needing Abed Nadir gene,” Troy said, “and this _is_ my home. Wherever you are is my home. _You_ are my home.” 

Abed let out a long sigh, slowly shaking his head and smiling dazedly. “You have no idea how many times I dreamed of you saying those words.”

“Oh yeah?” Troy asked with a smirk, “Anything else happen in those dreams?” 

Abed rolled his eyes, a matching grin on his lips. “I think you know.” 

“I’m not sure,” Troy said, “you should show me.” Man, he was getting bold, wasn’t he? 

“Okay,” Abed whispered, “close your eyes.”

Troy did, and after a second Abed’s hand was on his cheek, and after another second his lips were on Troy’s, and he’d be damned if it wasn’t the most amazing moment of his entire life. He was so mesmerized he almost forgot to kiss back- key-word: _almost_ , because after a beat, he did, putting all of himself into the kiss, all of the things he’d spent three years wishing he’d told Abed, all of the things he could finally tell him now. 

They only pulled away when they had no choice but to, and gasped for air. 

“Woah,” was all Troy could muster. 

“Better than any dream,” Abed whispered. 

“Way better.” 

Abed smiled again, looking at Troy with such love that tears started to well up his eyes again, and all Troy could do was stumble closer, finally shutting the door behind himself, and guide him into another kiss. That kiss dissolved into another, then another, and another, and Troy hoped they would never end. If he had any say in it, they wouldn’t. If Troy had any say in it, he’d never do anything different for the rest of his life. 

He’d been waiting for this moment ever since he left. He’d been waiting for this moment ever since he met Abed. He’d been waiting for this moment his whole life, and he’d dreamt of it everyday on that godforsaken boat. 

In his dreams, Abed would open the door and welcome him with open arms, love him like nothing had ever changed, like he’d never left at all. In real life, Abed had opened the door and welcomed him with open arms, loved him like everything had changed, like Troy had left and _come back_. And it was way better than any dream.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! I'd love to hear what you think, so please and thank you, leave some comments and kudos. You can yell at me on twitter (@jaguarkipo) or tumblr (bensschwartz), though I can't really use the latter.


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